Life Happens

This weekend we had the last "sleepover" with our grand daughter before she and her Mommy move away. They depart next Saturday, and my wife and I are going through some real emotional trials, trying to hold it together and be supportive of what our daughter needs to do, while at the same time going through grieving for the loss of what has been a real focus of our lives for over three years. There's a lot to it, and a lot that makes the experience all the harder for the involvement we have had in their life during that time.

The story is complicated, starting with the tragic loss of our daughter's partner (our grand daughter's father) in a stupid and tragic accident. The child was only five months old, and the two of them lived with us for a year after that. We have continued as part of the child's caregiver circle since that time. Every week we have spent many hours with the little girl, and the bond that developed in that time is a firm and loving one. Now that the time is fast approaching that the contact will be far less frequent (they will be living five hours away), I have found myself moved to tears often during the last couple of weeks. I feel like I either want to hold on to them to prevent the move, or follow to remain as big a part of their lives. Neither of these options is either viable or realistic (or even particularly healthy), so I am going through the pain of a loss that I cannot prevent.

Life is full of such things. It is neither good nor bad, it just IS. Depression is an unfocused sadness, and this is not that. The focus is clear. This is grief for a loss of what has been, and accepting that is a part of loving unreservedly and unconditionally. It is the best way to give love, and it is the hardest to let go of. But if I won't let go, it really isn't unconditional, is it?

I realize this is a more personal post than my usual political/cultural/artistic rants, but this is what is up for me right now. It hurts (a lot), and writing down these reflections on it is somewhat of a help. The only constant in life is change, so hang on!

The other thing I do know is that things do work out, mostly for the better, and I can't see the big picture because I'm in the picture. Faith is making the jump into life not knowing where you will land, and I am doing the best I can to practice that faith as I walk through this. Wish us all luck!