Getting personal

I have only generally touched on my personal life in this blog, preferring to remain as anonymous as possible while commenting on the politics, art, and silliness of our modern world. This is a calculated choice, aimed at keeping my personality to the background while engaging in observations on the principles of the day. This post will be a little different.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were told by her daughter that she and our 3 years old granddaughter were going to be moving to a town at least five hours away. This will mean a major change for us, as we have been very active care givers for this little girl since my stepdaughter's boy friend, the father of this child, died in a alcohol related accident when our granddaughter was just five months old. Since that time we have cared for the little girl at least two days a week, sometimes more, and it has been an utter joy and a revelation to me just how much she has come to mean to me.

I've never had any children of my own, though I've been a part of two "blended' families now. To help raise and care for this child from the beginning of her life (as we were very active in her life even before the accident) to now has been a blessing and an utterly incredible learning experience. I have learned so much about the nature of parental love, and the unconditional love which is required of parents and grandparents. I opened my heart and soul to give as much as I could, knowing that this little girl would have a hole in her life where her father should have been.

As a recovering alcoholic, I saw this at least partially as an amends for my own wasted opportunities at fatherhood. Most of my life I was too busy and self-centered to commit to the job of being a father, and it never came to pass. I made a decision to treat my granddaughter as if she were my own child, never being too busy to spend time with her or share in her development as a person. And these have been some of the happiest times of my life.

Now, as the nature of our relationship will change due to distance (a decision which my stepdaughter made for all the right reasons in terms of bettering her and her daughter's lives), I feel a heartbreaking sense of impending loss. I see the need for the changes that are going to pass, but it doesn't make it any easier. All I can do is learn to accept this, grow from it, and make a new beginning in how I will be able to be in her life. It is the thing that parents and grandparents often have to go through, and I am getting to experience it first hand.

I share this only because it is up for me right now. I realize that his form of communication, putting messages out there on the internet where anyone can see them, is valid only insofar as there is truth to it. I share my truth for that reason.

Unconditional love is the greatest gift, but it also exacts a very steep price. And I wouldn't miss the experiences I've had by giving that for the whole world!